A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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