i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize