Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
