my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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