bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
