Do you still have your period?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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