obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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