Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
