Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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