we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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