That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize