I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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