She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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