she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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