a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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