I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
we should paint friendship bongs
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