just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
