Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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