We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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