I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
