every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my sisters under your porch take her home
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
