I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
