so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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