Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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