you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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