I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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