I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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