Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
