i permit you to call me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize