I seem to have left my pride at pride
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
