There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
