Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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