i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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