I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Shame is for Republicans.
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