I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize