Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
