Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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