never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
