I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The struggles of a small town man whore
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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