Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
