yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize