Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
