I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
