There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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