i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
