She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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