I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I am one with the molecules
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize