I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
