When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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