im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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