its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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