She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
