Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
