we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
