think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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