I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
