The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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