I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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