based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
