Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
