I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
