1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
