Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
