everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
