i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
