I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
