I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
