I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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