My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
