I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
