I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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