I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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