I look better un-naked...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I lost the right to judge tonight
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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