i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
