new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
