im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
