So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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