i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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