So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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