she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Help. Why am I so naked?
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