I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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