absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
