I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
