Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
