Pappa wants mamma naked
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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