I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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