you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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