Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i already hear my dad disowning me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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