I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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