dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
